Dominic Monaghan Ate My Hamster

I’m starting to wonder if I might have criminal potential as a serial arsonist.  I’m quite fond of the US television show, Criminal Minds, which for those of you not in the know if about the Behavioural Analysis unit of the Eff Bee Eye.  One of things the things seem to look for, when checking the histories of potential serial arsonist/serial killer profiles, are series of small unexplained fires occurring around the alleged offender, and recently I seem to have been at the scene of several.

There was the candle on the sideboard, which somehow inadvertently shifted position and ended up directly underneath the wooden blind, which of course began to heat up and smoke.  Thanks to a swift intervention disaster was averted.

Which also leads to wonder if I have a hero complex well…

Then there was the car…’hmm this engine smells hot…’

‘hmm there’s a warning light on the dashboard…’

‘hmm there’s smoke from coming under the bonnet…’

‘argh! Flames!’

That didn’t end well, hence why I no longer drive a Toyota.

And then there was the shower incident.

‘Gosh’ I thought, ‘This shower is getting very steamy’ as I lathered my hair, and then turned around to be greeted by smoke and melting plastic emanating from my electric shower.

A ruined shower was by no means the worst that that day had to throw at me.  In order to finish my ablutions, I drew a bath and tried to lower myself gently into it.

It was like trying to stuff a haggis into a loaf tin.  It was never going to end well.  A tsunami swelled at both ends of the tub and cascaded over the sides.

Still, I rinsed my hair and threw down a few towels.

I then dried my hair, pulled on a shirt and headed downstairs.  Yeah, funny thing about water how it can trickle downwards and all that.

I hit the third step from the bottom, which was wet, and did a dramatic somersault and landed face down in a puddle with my left ar twisted out at a mosst unusual angle whilst chunks of artex from the ceiling landed on my head.

Fires, floods…I’m just waiting for plagues and famines next…